So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
