lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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