Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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