I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
