Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
