Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Please don't give away my fajitas
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
