Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
