the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
