I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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