my mouth tastes like poor choices
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
we're so committed to being not committed
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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