You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
