i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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