What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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