He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
