Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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