after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
