I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
