will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
