the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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