that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
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Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
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I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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