What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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