i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
