I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
