this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I just googled if crying burns calories
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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