You made me cry and you don't even care
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
