If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Sponge bath it is.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Randomize
