Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
