I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Dignity is for republicans.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
