I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
