I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He? As in you personified your dick?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Randomize
