so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
