my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
