those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Just cropdusted the office
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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