He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
