Someone shit on the floor
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
