Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
