can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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