That's intense
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
