But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
