My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
We need to rekindle our bromance
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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