I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
