Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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