Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
