One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
