No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
