Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
