i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
In other news, I just burned my penis
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
