Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
