you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
