sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
