I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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