fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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