I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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