would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
