yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
porn star boner night. come get it.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Randomize
