He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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