apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
