apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you mean i was at the winter classic?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
