my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
