so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
