I just pynch a tree in the face
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
